Early One Morning

Tuesday morning I was supposed to have flown from Florida to Portland to be with our daughter, her husband and our 5 and 7 year old grandsons for Christmas. I would get to be with our youngest son, his wife and our 2 and 3 1/2 year old grandsons this week, before Christmas. Rex was to fly out Christmas morning, then we were flying back home together New Year’s Eve. But plans have changed.

I didn’t realize that getting the cast off my ankle was just part of the healing, there’s ‘weeks’ left as the Dr put it. I wasn’t expecting that. So my left leg from the knee down, and foot, is without muscle from being immobile in a cast for 6 weeks. I have to re-build those muscles and ‘teach’ my leg and foot to walk. I was very discouraged as I left the Dr’s office and I’ve felt wretched ever since, with limited strength and blasted emotions.

Rex walked with me down the street a ways the last couple of days and I walk around the house, VERY CAREFULLY, using the crutches some but I try to keep my leg propped up when sitting down (don’t want any blood clots!) My ankle’s still very swollen and hurts a lot. My left calf looks so weird with only flab where there used to be muscle.

I’m pretty immobile, I mean, SLOW is the word as I walk and I have to THINK with each step so I won’t loose my balance, stumble or fall.

Besides that, it’s literally freezing cold with snow and ice in the NW with more of the same weather predicted for the next week or more. Some airports between here and there are closed or have delayed flights so we could easily get stranded in an airport far from either our kids or our home.

All things considered, Rex and I came to the painful conclusion that we shouldn’t risk the flight or take the trip, I’m just not up to it and I wouldn’t be focused or have my mind on being careful, as I must during this time. I’m bummed and had a big pity-party for myself last night and am still sad. I mean, for 40 years we’ve been with one, two or usually all three of our children for the Christmas festivities, we have treasured traditions.

But in my time with the Lord this morning, I was writing ‘my complaint’ to Him and how sad I was, even depressed, wanting just to go to bed and cover my head, when the thought came to me, ‘So this is how people feel who are lonely, sick, in pain, sad, have pressures, etc., etc., this time of year!’

I asked God to forgive me. Others in our church came to my mind; 41 year old Teresa whose father had a stroke and died yesterday, her children and family’s grief; Mollie’s confinement and disability; Louetta’s total dependence on others for even her bare necessities; military people in harm’s way and far, far from their families and home; people who’ve received a knock on their door and a messenger with news that their loved one is ‘missing or killed in action’; people in the hospital with crushed bodies, in commas; people confined behind bars. The list goes on and on.

So I’m determining to think positively and focus on what I have rather than what I’m missing; to discipline myself and my mind to do what I can and enjoy every moment of this wonderful life God has given me for 63 years and counting.

I know God has given us the key, His Son, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit living within us, working in us to bring us to fulfillment and completion in Him. I know that it takes fire to purify fine metals and that God uses the fires of this life for our good when we let Him. So I’m choosing His path, focusing on the reality of eternity and the prospects of living today seeing possibilities, difficulties and even pain through His eyes.

Only in Christ can I do this as my natural self whines, cries, complains and wants to go in a dark corner and hide.

My hope is in Him; thank God that He is real, alive today and forever, working in my life and in the lives of all those who turn to Him. Today’s a GOOD day…because of Him!

With thanksgiving, love and prayers for you and for those who are suffering, especially during this time of year,

LaWanda